Some Funny Things Happened On The Way To My Grave

The other day I had my own little mystery to solve. Around 11:30 in the morning I stood up from my desk chair at work and discovered I had a small, but extremely damp spot just below my left butt cheek. My first thought (and by far the most stomach turning) is that while spending some time on the throne that morning, that something was...ermm..."wet" on the floor and the back of my slacks somehow rested in it. Next I was thinking I maybe, without realizing it, had spilled some of my soup from lunch on my chair before I sat down. But wouldn't that have burned a little?

I was really starting to get weirded out when over 3 hours later, it was still there! Just as damp, if not more so, than earlier. Did I lean against something outside? Is there a slow drip on my ceiling? Is someone shooting me with a squirt gun every time I stand up? Is my ass leaking?

Somehow, throughout the course of the day, it never occurred to me (since I never keep anything there) to reach into my back pocket...where upon investigation revealed an almost empty (maybe three sheets) baggy of wet wipes. I had taken them with me to the lav that I mentioned earlier and neglected to seal the baggy tight enough. And since walking down the hall at work with a baggy of wet wipes kind screams "Hey, I was just dropping a deuce!" to anyone I pass...I put them in my back pocket. Then I sat on them and my weight squeezed all the moistness out. Fail.

I wonder what people who saw my butt splotch thought?...well anyway, that was "case closed" on the wet ass investigation.